Tuesday, April 10, 2012

First Step to Juggling...

Is taking a deep breath (lots of them).

As we continue with our seemingly never ending juggle of infertility there are a lot of things that I am finding irritate/upset me more than before or that would have never irritated/upset me before, so I am sorry to say this one is me venting....

One of the biggest thing that irritates me is people saying "Don't stress about it."  Really?!?  Unless you have gone through infertility, any aspect of it whether it be clomid or IVF you don't have a right to say that... Sorry...Actually I'm not. 

This whole situation is more stressful than planning my wedding was, dealing with both my husband and I being out of work before we got married, buying a car, starting a new job, or buying our first house.  And unless you have personally been here, you have no idea about the stress involved. 

Between having a cycle cancelled due to a cyst caused by the clomid and dealing with the insurance aspect of this, the stress can be overwhelming at times.  Quite frankly it can make you feel like you are seriously losing it (like should be in a straight jacket, in a room with padded walls).

Other things that I am finding drive me absolutely bonkers, is people saying "I know how you feel."  Once again, unless you have personally been through this you don't have a clue how I feel or how my husband feels through all this, so please don't try to do us a favor and tell us that you know how we feel, when in actuality you don't have a clue.

My favorite one that I got from a co-worker was "I don't know why anyone would want a kid bad enough to go through all this."  Let me tell you, the first sentence that came to my mind was filled with endless obscenities and other nasty commentsInstead, I collected my thoughts (after my tactless mental response) and simply said 'Apparently you were not blessed with a maternal instinct.'

I guess what I am trying to get at through this venting, is sometimes people think they are helping by saying certain things.  However, it can be more irritating than anything.

And for those of you reading this who know someone going through infertility treatment, just remember to think before you speak. 

Seriously, think about it like this- if this person was going through treatments for a more serious problem would I say what I am about to say. 

Granted, infertility is treatable, not curable (many people try for years and don't succeed- kinda like juggling) however the struggle can be just as draining mentally, physically and emotionally as someone with a more serious condition.

And while I do understand that sometimes people are just trying to be empathetic or say something, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. 

The best thing to ask is: How are you doing with everything that is going on? 

But just remember, if you are strong enough to ask this question, be prepared for the answer (because depending on the day, it could be an emotional answer).

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